i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
