Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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