I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Bring me that man meat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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