it was like his penis was on wheels.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
