You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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