im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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