I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
