Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
