I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
