Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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