okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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