I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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