he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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