Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
