Pants 0. Shit 1.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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