Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
