I got chris browned last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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