my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
