im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
