The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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