I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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