Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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