i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
