you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i out mim tonsoeep
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