I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
