NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
