Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
