he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
