i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
