I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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