Kiss
Puke
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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