Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
