I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
