I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
