we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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