it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
