P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
