on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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