Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
