Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
