you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
