Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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