Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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