Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
