Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
