Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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