she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
