Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
