Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
