it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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