So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
